out of the loop

coffee shop musings

I really need to spend some time cleaning up my blog. 

It's like washing my face. I should buckle down and buy the fancy cleanser and wash every morning. 

But laziness rears its drowsy head and just throwing some random CSS coding feels "good enough for now."

I'm more thoughtful and deliberate than my blog looks. Swear.

...on the other hand, I'm definitely as messy and ADD as my blog suggests. 

Selective character traits. Everyone has them around certain somebodies.

*tries to find a readable font to assign to all future posts*

a good space for a workplace

 

I swear to God there is nobody on earth who actually lives in a perfect IKEA bedroom.

So I accidentally jumped on the whole "spring cleaning" bandwagon when I started going through my bookshelves. Filled up a donation box (yay for Goodwill) with books... and then clothes... and then weird little knick-knacks I kept for some reason...

The aftermath resulted in my desk being piled with camera gear, a broken wall clock (which I keep telling myself I'll fix but never will), some random papers (banking information, passport, etc.) and a big toolbox.

My work table looks just as wonderful. 

And instead of being proactive and dutifully finding a place for all the nonsense on my desk, I take my workstation to the only clean space in my little bedroom.

The floor.

Conclusion?

Tidying up has never been one of my strong suits. Or my weak suits. More of a casual jeans and t-shirt skill. As much as I would love a hipster little space with a DIY desk I built myself and a giant inspiration wall and hard-to-kill plants on the bookshelf and exposed brick and wood floors and all that jazz...

...my reality today is that I have a perfectly clean and flat space to work on our god-knows-how-old carpet. So I settle down and I read and research and scroll scroll scroll through Pinterest until my back starts to hurt.

Believe it or not, I actually have creative intentions for my blog (and my life, really). Big, scary, please-don't-laugh-at-me ideas. Which I write down in... I would say a neat little notebook, but I'd be lying.

I write them down on program inserts, those completely unnecsary lap mats from In-N-Out, paper menus and napkins. Which I then stuff into a master binder to decipher and clean up at a later date.

I'm trying to implement a vision here, people. Slowly and quietly and without much hurrah.

And I do most of it on the floor of my room.

Because I'm too lazy to clean off the surface of my desk.

- - -

P.S. You know those trendy little quotes you read and see all the time on tote bags and coffee cups and other gifty nonsense? It comes to a point where they seem to lose their power and pizazz. I wandered into World Market on my lunch break and saw this. And just stared at it for awhile.

Because, like, you know, it's so totally starting to make sense. Like for reals. Yo.

Bri Emery of Designlovefest - CreativeMornings

via creativemornings.com

This lady.
This lady right here.
This is Bri Emery.
She's such a role model and inspiration.
Blogger, creative director, fashion designer; she's the ultimate Renaissance woman of everything beautiful.
I've been trying less and less to compare my beginnings to other people's middles...
This girl makes my dreams seem tangible on a good day.

- a reminder that you can't predict the future and it doesn't matter what the naysayers think.

Adulthood.

And one day I will tell my children how I spent my wild nights in my early 20s... eating leftover cake in the kitchen, wearing a Muppets shirt and petting my cat with my foot.

Adults are liars.

And I mean that nicely.

Curiously enough, there's no how-to book on "here's what it's like to turn 20 and here are the things you'll be feeling on a daily basis." There's no survival kit.

Instead of perusing class schedules, I'm looking at the price of rent in Southern California and slamming my head on the desk, wondering if I'll ever move out of my parent's house.

Instead of spending money on taco tuesday, I'm wondering if I can even afford to apply for a credit card.

Okay, that's a lie. I'll never give up my taco tuesdays.

See? Adults are liars.

I'm realizing more and more that this whole "adulthood" thing is not so much of a sudden transition into reality and responsibilities. It's really more of a "fake it 'til you make it" game. And I wish there were more adults who would be honest about that.

It is so hard for me to believe that every non-teenager in the workforce knew that they would end up exactly as the person they are today in the job they are in today.

Even more unbelievable: that they predicted this future when they were a 20-something. I mean, kudos to them, but I don't even know what my work schedule is for next week.

You know what else I don't know?

I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up.

But I keep that to myself. It's frowned upon. Lemme tell you why.

I work at a community college. Which, I'm realizing, is the wrong place to be working when you're taking time off of school. All my coworkers (hard-working, career-oriented, no-nonsense adults with higher educations) encourage me (often. very often.) to go back to school.

"People with degrees make more money and receive more benefits."

"Good luck finding a career without at least an Associate's Degree."

"It's okay if you don't know what you want to do. Just get the piece of paper."

Putting statistics aside (to the corner... preferably facing the wall, away from the important grownup conversation): we're not going to talk about underemployed (or unemployed) college graduates. And we're certainly not going to talk about individuals who "got the piece of paper" who aren't even working in the field they majored in. Oh, and student debt is a conversation for another time.

What I would like to talk about is the assumption that I will not succeed without investing 4+ years in college.

I don't mean to be seditious...

But what if that's not the case?

What if I could get an education without college?

What if I could pursue my interests and land a job doing what I love?

What if I could work from home?

You can throw all the statistics you want at me. I'm coming from the clichéd homeschooled perspective that not all humans are the same. We don't behave the same, we don't learn the same, and we don't work the same.

So who's to say we all succeed the same?

Anyone?

Anyone?

...Bueller?

I just sent my résumé to a marketing agency. I'm going to sleep in my Batman sweatshirt and I will finish watching these next two episodes of Fringe, curled up with my cat and a bowl of popcorn. Don't bother looking for the last box of Thin Mints. I finished them. Because I'm an ADULT.

Big Band Swing Thing - Thank You Board

Thank You Supporters Poster - Photoshop CS5

DISCLAIMER: I did not create the Big Band Artwork. Just the text/logo layout and execution. Saddleback Graphics Dept. is responsible for the former. ;-)

- - -

This Saturday, March 8th, is our biggest fundraiser of the year. The Angels for the Arts is the Fine Arts scholarship organization of Saddleback College. I was selected over the summer to participate as the student representative on the Board of Directors.

While on the Board, I'm supposed to be the voice of the students in the Fine Arts Department, coordinate student events, and encourage my peers to apply for the Angels scholarship.

Supposed to be.

I have a lot of ideas about how to reach out to the Saddleback Campus. Contacting the Associated Student Government to collaborate on raising scholarship awareness, keeping the faculty informed of my events so they can keep the Fine Arts website up to date, creating a Facebook page, a Twitter account, maintaining a blog (through blogspot.com, probably) of what's happening in each of the Music, Theatre, Cinema/Radio/Television, Arts departments (respectively), writing student profiles about the scholarship applicants and submitting them for publication to The Lariat (our on-campus newspaper)... and the list goes on.

I have only created a twitter account just last week (@TheStudentRep). Tweets: 0.

The Open Mic and the Costume Karaoke events were the only two events that were created in my name on behalf of the Angels for the Arts. After the poor outcome for both these events, the staff (who helped me to coordinate the darn thing) discouraged me from even using a microphone and a speaker system. So I wouldn't distract the current classes.

Because... at noon... that's where all the students are.

In classes.

Originally, I suggested a Rocky Horror Night in the black box theatre.

When that didn't fly, I suggested an evening event to showcase the music, theatre, art, dance, and cinema students (followed by an open mic). An artists' party. Complete with cheap pizzas.

Again, highly discouraged.

It's not that I'm pouting about how my ideas get shot down because of expenses, safety/noise issues, or doubt of attendance...

But it's hard for me to put motivated effort into something I feel won't be appreciated.

I feel like the college is stuck in a place and either refuses to move forward because "this is how it's always been," or they can't move forward because there's too much red tape and legal stuff that it's just not even worth the time.

Maybe I'm not seeing the full picture. After all, I'm just a student representative.

And only for another three months. Then I'll be passing off my baton to someone else.

Would it really be worth it to put all my talents into something I may or may not be cut out for in the first place?

Ah, the cliché joys of being 20 and feeling like nobody understands you.

Lenses, Baby

A few days after Thanksgiving, my grandma (on my dad's side) sends me and the rest of my siblings a "hey, if you want anything for christmas please send us a list kthxbai."

 Or something along those lines.

Being the good little granddaughter I am, I promptly sent in a request for the following:

• New Moleskin Cahiers. (I'm big on pocket-sized notebooks. And these are the golden eggs in that department.)
• This shirt by Sean Wes. (definitely a favorite artist. Still totally considering taking this handlettering class on SkillShare.)
• My very own Tilt-Shift Lens.

Introducing the lensbaby spark. Newest addition to my camera lens collection. 

Definition: Tilt-shift photography is a method of photography that utilizes tilt-shift lenses to overcome the restrictions of depth of field and perspective that normal lenses provide. A tilt-shift lens allows for the rotation of lens against the image plane (tilt), as well as the movement of lens along the image plane (shift). - Hongkiat Lim, Hongkiat.com

I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to start getting back into photography. Ain't gonna lie. I put a lot of pressure on my results. Portraits must be in focus... all photos must have perfect lighting... if it's indoors, don't bother... etc.

During my morning routine (eating breakfast and reading blog posts on my iPad mini) I came across this old post from A Beautiful Mess about goal-setting.

#2: Do not choose result oriented goals. Choose activity oriented goals.

...it's becoming more and more fascinating how many times I have to hear something in a multitude of ways before it clicks and becomes true.

So I gave myself permission to play and let the result of my neighborhood walk be nothing more than that: a result.

Very, very proud of my first "miniature faking" photograph. I used to play tetherball on those courts as a shy little 3rd grader.

Jon took this last one of me sitting slouchy in the middle of a soccer field.

I'm giving myself permission.

I'm not dependent on results.

I deserve to have fun. I deserve to play.

I will like what I like and call it good.

Fivver Update - Part 2

Read about my First Fiverr Gig here.

Tuesday, January 21st. Filmed video footage with my trusty Canon 60D.

Wednesday, January 22nd. Uploaded promotional Fiverr video.

Wednesday, January 22nd to Monday, January 27th:

With 8 orders still left to complete!

Continuing the theme from my last update, here are a few more things that I've learned:

1. Positive feedback and constructive criticism from my buyers is really important to me. Surprisingly so. I need affirmation and reassurance that I'm on the right track and that I'm giving them exactly what they're looking for.
2. I prefer creating advertisements for parties, concerts and social events. "Website promotion," "get cash quick" and "sign up today" are trigger words for boredom. I'll do it. But not happily.  
3. The more I make 'em, the more efficient I get. This is probably a "no duh" concept, but I'd like to acknowledge it for future reference. I'm a very impatient person.
4. I love compliments. Now, I KNOW these are not my best work (I try to get them done within an hour or two)... I always strive to work better and faster with a little encouragement boosting me along.
5. Breaks are a godsend. Even though I'm doing something I truly like to do, I'm realizing more and more the importance of a long walk or a conversation with someone over coffee about anything other than what I've been working on.
6. I'm all about incentive. A little bit of spending money is always a plus, but glowing recommendations, a good reputation and a developing skillset are new priorities for me. Well. Maybe not new. Just... more focused, I guess. As a result of consistant quality work, I achieve all three of these things. Which encourages me to create more quality work. And so on.

To piggyback off #6...

As I'm exploring the beginning stages of blogging, freelance design work, advertising, self-education and business, I'm discovering that the more I learn, the more I want to learn.

Which is an exploding neon sign that these are things I love to do.

Also, recognition is a warm and fuzzy thing.

^_^

I don't use Pinterest

...but I really should.

I was recently lamenting over the fact that I'm no interior designer, I know nothing about wall space or decor, and I'm lousy at color complements. These things are all true. Today, at least.

In Austin Kleon's book Steal Like An Artist, he insists that one of the best practices for developing your personal style is to imitate your role models.

Duh, Lucy. Why else would they be called role models.

Let me finish.

It's not just a matter of imitating their output but also imitating how they go about finding their input. In other words, don't just make what they make. Do what they're doing BEFORE they make it. Which is an age-old philosophy of design as well. "You can't copy a design until you know where it came from."

Well, you can't imitate an artist until you know what they do when they're not doing art.

I took an inventory of all my favorite photographers, designers, writers, bloggers. And they all have a similar system for collecting ideas.

Inspiration journals. Morgue files. Idea boards.

Aaaaand pinterest pages. Ahem.

It is so naive to believe that I can rely on my very limited mental capacity as source material for all my projects. And yet I still do it. I still dive into my headspace and shuffle around the dust exclaiming, "Is this all that's left? Seriously??"

Enter self-doubt. Enter discouragement. Enter a crushing lack of self-motivation.

When all it would have taken to avoid this is a few clicks around the interwebs to collect images of what I'm naturally inclined towards.

In a way, it clears out the dust and sets my thoughts nicely on a screen page like it's a shelf. And I'm free to take them down and use them at any time.

Dope.

Advice to a 20 year-old

Recently, I tore a sheet out of my notebook and I made a list of "really really important things to remember this year." These are pieces of advice and reminders I need to read everyday... mainly because it shuts up my inner doubts that maybe I'm not doing this whole life thing right.

As a 20-year old who's taking time off college, working three jobs, and still living at home... the future doesn't look too marvelous. Scratch that. It doesn't even look like it's there.

But of course that's not true. Enjoy. You might consider making your own list of reassurances.

"Dear 20 year-old self,

you have so much time.

you are not supposed to have all the answers.

today is the time to be "figuring it out."

allow yourself to make mistakes.

pursue every idea and every dream you have.

have FUN.

the more you do it, the more you'll get better.

stop judging yourself.

you can only do so much in one day.

stop comparing yourself to others.

if YOU like doing it, it's worth doing.

make new memories everyday.

if it makes you happy, don't stop.

please don't worry.

take it slow.

be yourself.

be smart."

Not Exactly A Manifesto

But close enough, I suppose.

These past few days, I've had a lot of "grown-up problems" come rushing my way. Negotiating with the bank, feeling the weight of unemployment and the job-search that comes with it, and dealing with unwanted car problems (poor Buick).

Deep down, I know it's a rite of passage. Everyone's been there. And those problems don't go away. They get bigger and more complicated.

But I've done some soul-searching lately that might help and figure out what's most important to me, what I want my life to look like, and who I want my future-self to be.

I want to take pretty pictures to show how beautiful my life is. I want to write good stories that inspire. I want to eat amazing things and make memories with my wonderful people.

Future is a scary thing. I don't doubt that will always be the case.

But in the meantime, all I can do is breathe, keep calm and carry on.

I'm trying to make a habit of making art when I feel like this. So here. I offer you a messy little insight into my mind today, trying to look on the bright side.

1. Check.

2. A connection at a restaurant, an invitation to teach at a local studio, or the pursuit of a tutoring gig at my old high school.

3. Take a train to San Diego. Or Santa Barbara. Call up some friends in other states and buy a plane ticket. Go back to Portland. Go to other countries!

4. Never stop learning how to do things. Never stop reading, whether it be novels or entertaining articles or illustrated art books.

- - -

And thus begins another day, another weekend.

What's your little manifesto?